Argh

Every time I get hurt emotionally by a guy, I dream about him physically hurting me. Not me hurting him, as I would completely understand that. Most of the time they are wearing the Scream mask... and although I can't see the face I know who it is... and they are wielding a knife... or gun... And usually i come vvvvvvery close to dying. I don't like it. The most recent one I had (I just woke up from it ) was being chased by a knife-wielding maniac, who shall remain nameless... It was different than most of the others because I could clearly see the face... Talk about being hurt... Imagine looking into someone you thought you completely trusted eyes as they continuously stab you...

Argh.

These dreams have got to stop.

With all this stress, I must confess, This could be worse that PMS...

Ya gotta keep yourself happy. Against all odds, in the end it's you who has to be happy. If there is one thing I've learned, people are not mind readers. They cannot possibly have any idea what going on in my mind. I'm gonna have to start speaking out and letting them know, because I am just up angrier and angrier that people are not as perceptive as I would like them to be. Everyone, for that matter. But. How could I expect them to know the innermost workings of my mind if I am still ambiguous about it myself? It's hazy and there are only a couple of things that are coming through loud and clear. And I don't know if I want to share them, after all.

Ok. Beyond that.

School is winding down for me, only 4 weeks remaining! So there is actually not a whole lot of work left for me to do. All of my major work was at the beginning of the semester. Yay me! got an extension on my major project so once its done, I will finally get rid of this perpetual head ache regarding it...

Right now, I am working on a major session for a provincial conference in May. It's going to be on Drugs and the Media, basically. I am really excited about it. The only problem is that it's from 9-11 on the day when I have a mandatory grad rehearsal... the problem is that I don't know what time the rehearsal is at... And I'd really like to grad this year!!!! Ok. So maybe there is another teensy, tiny problem. I can't speak in front of people. I have a LOT of trouble doing it. But I'm workin' on it, really I am...

Now.

Work for the summer. Still up in the air. Not much going on on that front at this time.

September. Been accepted to the medical support service program and travel tourism at holland college. No idea if that's where I want to be anymore, but it's nice to have a fallback plan.

Boys lie and they smell a little...

Sigh. Why does everyone feel the need to lie to me? Do they think I can't handle the truth? I just don't understand. Truth is so important yet I seem to be given every f*ckin conceivable possible lie. Maybe I'm just bitter today, I don't know. I just don't get it. Why lie? Who does it really help? No one, that's who. And definitely not the one being lied to... ME!

Psychic me

K, so I had this extremely strange dream last night about pregnancy. Weird. I've heard before that dreaming about pregnancy is an indication if an actual pregancy. My mother actually had a dream that I was pregnant about a month and a half ago and she was pretty freaked out that I was. BUT... The funny thing is that when I woke up this morning I found out that somebody I know IS!!! But sh'e not very far along so... Anyway Yay!!! New baby... I am so excited. I'm almost borderline jealous. A friend of mine had a baby last Friday and it was the sweetest, tiniest little thing. I'm starting to get those motherhood pangs. Eek. That can't be good. I guess I always thought that after I graduated University, I would meet an amazing guy, start a great career, and start a family. One of those life plans that you never really expect in the near future. It's always so easy to say "Someday..." but geez, someday sure is sneaking up on me.

I got my acceptance to College for next year... I managed to get into both of the programs that I applied for. Sigh. You'd think I'd be happy, but I'm quite ambivalent at this point in time...

la de da

So finally, I am knee deep in my major project... Procrastinating just doesn't help on these things! Once Monday hits, it's all downhill from there... Countdown to graduation then... I dont have any more major tests or anything after this paper is done :D I couldn't be happier. Finally able to focus on some of the stuff I've been trying to finish FOR ME for once... I want to wrap up my novella... and I have just about enough poems to make a book from... imagine my name finally in print! Tres excited. Just need the time to finish and polish everything up... soon... tres tres soon...

Need a breath of fresh air...

Aujourd'hui, C'est bon. Je suis contente. Ou apathetique. Je ne sais pas! Les examens n'a arrive pas. Je ne parle pas francais, mais j'aime pense que je parle francais.

I had a tiny panic a little earlier, but I'm past the point of caring anymore. It's just school. I'm gonna pass everything. I just need to calm down, breathe, and smile! That will be the cure today! Et, parles un petit peu de francais. That always cheers me up. Pourquoi? Je ne sais pas!

So, lookin' like another mall study tonight. Possibly, that sounds a little strange, but if you've been to the Waterfront Mall lately you would completely understand. It's the perfect spot to study.

Bah.

Back to Psych.

Just another Manic Monday...

I wish it was 11:00 tomorrow night. All in good time, I suppose.

I just got an email back from my prof who is deciding to go ahead with his exam tomorrow (worth 33%!) when we didn't even get to have a lecture last Thursday due to the storm. Bah humbug. Which is stupid because his exams are all based on lecture. Which we didn't have Thursday. No lecture. But it's all on the test. Grr.

Yeah, well that's one. I have another one, but I'm not nearly quite as concerned with that one. I've been ready to write it since before Spring Break but it keeps on getting cancelled... not that I'm complaining. I'm not. Not by far. I'm quite much ready for it, is all.

So. Above and beyond the two tests, I have a paper due, I have to slide review (yuck), and I have an online quiz. Not to mention that I have to set up two meetings, and get more people to answer my lovely questionnaire. Hardly anyone has answered it so far, and my time is running out tres rapidement!!!!

Wow, well I guess that I just needed a little rant there. I should probably go study, but it's been a long day. Je suis fatigue. Je pense que ca je vais aller a mon lit. L'examen et demain a 1. Beacoup temps d'etudie.

Someday I will actually learn francais.